ON ASSIGNMENT: QUINCY, ILLINOIS. METH MANUFACTURING AND ARSON (SUSPECTED)

 

A long bye-bye in the Scion xB, yesterday.  My Dad and I were outta here at 7:00 a.m. for the drive to Quincy, IL via the so-called CKC-IL 110 Route, sort of a sneaky way of saying:  I-88 to I-80 to I-74 to US 136 to IL 61 routing.  Quad Cities, Knox, Monmouth, Galesburg…blah, blah, blah.  On the trip down, My Dad found out the hard way that if you’re not paying attention for the little CKC-110 signs, you’re going to drift and add (quite a bit of) time to the drive.  And, a long car ride means something else – HAMBURGERS!

What?  OK.  Jeez, I don’t even get to talk about the fun part of the day.  My Dad just told me to “stay focused and on track.”  OK, Mr. Investigator.  More about the hamburgers in a bit.  But when My Dad starts to, as he puts it, “drill-down,” on an investigation, and he senses some juicy documents with “crucial” information are located in the hinterlands of Illinois, we’re gone, we are hitting the road.  My Dad gave me a partial briefing on the latest miscreant.  The “subject” had a mysterious fire about 30 minutes after leaving his rural residence late one night.  Some on-line inquiries of various county court records revealed some very interesting cases – like an active felony case for possessing the pre-cursors for methamphetamine (METH) manufacturing.  So, off to Quincy to look at the “paper files.”  My Dad often says that the paper file located at the county court house has “interesting” info…all public record.

Back to our hamburger stop.  What?  OK…tell the rest of the story.  Let me make this quick.  My Dad came back to the car with about an inch of documents.  And he found that an “associate” of the “subject” may be the same guy who had a prior felony conviction for “criminal conspiracy to manufacture methamphetamine.”  Sounds creepy.  But, if you’re the “subject,”  I would think that it is pretty smart to start a new criminal conspiracy with “associates” who have prior experience with meth…right?  Seems like a no-brainer…which is usually what happens after you start using meth.  HA!  My Dad just chuckled on that bit of Border collie humor.  OK, now I can talk about the hamburgers.

My Dad stopped at the McDonald’s in Monmouth, IL…TWICE!  On the way to Quincy, and on the way back.  Plain hamburgers – TWO – at each visit.

Remember, I never sleep in the car?  Things must be monitored, My Dad caught me watching him in the rear view mirror.

Finishing up two McDonald's hamburgers...plain.  Just the meat and the bread.  YUMMY!

Finishing up two McDonald’s hamburgers…plain. Just the meat and the bread. YUMMY!

Just to prove we were actually in Quincy and not making up this whole story.  Quincy College was NOT, directly or indirectly, involved in this investigation.

Just to prove we were actually in Quincy and not making up this whole story. Quincy University was NOT, directly or indirectly, involved in this investigation.  I do not like my picture taken…fyi.

Monitoring My Dad, all the time.

Monitoring My Dad, all the time.

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THE WEEDING OUT PROCESS: AGENTS FOR FIGHTING THE FORCES OF EVIL

Many paws have been raised for becoming Special Agents for THE ORGANIZATION FOR FIGHTING THE FORCES OF EVIL (O.F.F.E).  Perhaps my wonderful, loyal, and intelligent followers can provide some assistance in the “weeding-out” process.  Let’s get started with the initial candidates:

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Name: SHARK Breed: French Bulldog Languages: -none-   Skills: Looking interested

 SHARK was named for the appearance of his sharkskin-like coat.  Also a pretty cool name for a Secret Agent for OFFE.  Sort of flighty, a bit too bouncy, a bit too interested in just about everything.  Possible assignment as a bad guy inspector.

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Name: GIZMO Breed: Shi Tsu      Skills: Looking attentive ALL THE TIME!

GIZMO likes to steal my ball, although she has a very difficult time fitting it in her mouth.  She is VERY high energy.  Possible assignment as “bait car” operative.

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Name: MACY   Breed: West Highland Terrier Skills:  Elusiveness, especially when I am behind her.   Languages: Has an Eastern European air to her. Since she is one of my all-time favorite girlfriends, I am thinking a directorship could be in order.  Her accent may work well during coercive activities.

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Name: FLIP   Breed: PUG   Skills: Rumors are, she worked with a Fortune-Teller and used her wide-angle vision for intelligence collection activities. Also, her head is the perfect size to fit in my caboose area, perhaps we can break her of that habit.

Me with the delusional super-sleuth JACK BAUER, and his very tolerant Mom, Danielle.

Name:  Jack Bauer    Breed:  Poma- (something)    Skills:  Can size be a skill?  A wonderful teller-of-tales…some may even be true!

When My Dad let me out a few minutes ago, look who was here!

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What a change of pace! I did NOT run after the departing FEDEX truck…probably because My Dad was doing something with the Scion xB…don’t want to miss a car ride.

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ORDER OF THE BLACK EYE PATCH and COVERT ACTIONS WITH JACK BAUER

My Dad and I have had a busy week.  We drove up to Woodstock, Illinois to file the return affidavit on “The BIGAMIST” case.  On US 14, the despised brown cube – UPS- was driving next to us for a long time…see the pictures below.  Yes, I really gave it to him, out the left rear window of the Scion…I know what to do…jeez.

I am going to start a new organization, ORDER OF THE BLACK EYE PATCH.  I met with my good buddy OLIVER, yesterday, to discuss the organizational plans.  Oliver, also know as Ollie, did not like the length of the name…he wanted to shorten it up a bit to O.B.E.P … So, the two of us are in a bit of a disagreement over the logo, the brand.  Perhaps my loyal followers could provide some assistance.  My feeling on this is,  WHO is going to know what OBEP means?  Even if it is coupled with an image of a black eye patch being worn by a handsome dog…I was thinking of me…but then again, I really wouldn’t need to wear an eye patch.  But, I am WAY more handsome than Oliver…but that is between me and my loyal, wonderful, intelligent, followers.  I am envisioning T-Shirts, hats, decals all with the slogan and my picture – ORDER OF THE BLACK EYE PATCH.  What?  Huh?  You’re kidding?  My Dad just made a poorly-timed comment about infringing on the trademark of the Oakland Raiders and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  I don’t think so…are those two teams made up of dogs (?), all of them with black eye patches…duh.  Dad, you stick to your investigative work, and let me handle the marketing for my entrepreneurial spirit.  So, Oliver (I never call him Ollie, he does not like that name) and I were having a serious discussion about the big plans for the ORDER OF THE BLACK EYE PATCH and who comes out of his apartment with his Mom, Danielle?  Mr. Covert, Mr. Spy, Mr. Fighting the Forces of Evil, Mr. Mysterious…the 12 pound Jack Bauer.  Talk  talk  talk  talk  talk.  Jack!  Take a breath…  Ahhh, no…you will not allowed to be a member of ORDER OF THE BLACK EYE PATCH.  You will purchase a hat, a decal, and a t-shirt?  Mmmm….perhaps we’ll consider an honorary membership.  By the way, Jack Bauer (that is his real name) is a Pomegranate.  What?  Spell that…oh, ok.  OK, My Dad corrected me, Jack Bauer is a Pomeranian.  Jack is, how do I put this diplomatically, delusional?  He is always telling me about his (covert) adventures (Right, Jack) as an agent for:  THE AGENCY FOR FIGHTING THE FORCES OF EVIL.  Sounds a bit contrived, but I see potential for T-Shirts, hats and a decal.  Jack, Jack…wait up!

UPS...I see you!

UPS…I see you!

The DESPISED cube...UPS...

The DESPISED cube…UPS…

My buddy OLIVER, I bet you get the ORDER OF THE BLACK EYE PATCH, now...right?

My buddy OLIVER, I bet you get the ORDER OF THE BLACK EYE PATCH, now…right? or is it left?

Me with the delusional super-sleuth JACK BAUER, and his very tolerant Mom, Danielle.

Me with the delusional super-sleuth JACK BAUER, and his very tolerant Mom, Danielle.

ON ASSIGNMENT: SERVING THE BIGAMIST IN KANE COUNTY

Going bye-bye in the Scion xB is always FUN!  But when My Dad brings me on a (shhhh) CONFIDENTIAL ASSIGNMENT, all of my favorite things happen…barking out the window, hamburgers from McDonald’s, being on the lookout for the despised delivery trucks, off-leash walks in State Parks, and continually alerting My Dad to all road hazards.  We were out early on Thursday for the drive to the Kane County Judicial Complex – to serve McHenry County Divorce papers on THE BIGAMIST.  My Dad had been monitoring his latest miscreant; a sociopath with multiple DUI’s, pending felony charges and the worst…being married to more than one woman, TWICE!  My Dad had given me a full, unadulterated briefing, on Mr. Smarty-Pants.  My Dad is usually a lot smarter, a lot more creative, a lot more cunning, than your average low-grade human being.  So My Dad had developed intel (intelligence) on Mr. Smarty-Pants Bigamist (Mr. SPB) and was aware that Mr. SPB was scheduled for a hearing on one of his felony cases…Thursday morning, 9:00 a.m., Court Room 305. My Dad and I arrived at the courthouse at 8:00 a.m.  My Dad rolled down all of the windows, cracked the (secured) hatchback, so I had ventilation.  He also parked under a tree.  It was pretty cool and overcast that morning, so, no worries about me overheating in the Scion.  I had water, I was in the Scion, I was cool…life was good.  When My Dad returned, he did not have the McHenry County documents with him – SUCCESS!  Mr SPB stepped out of the elevator right at 9:00 a.m.  Just a blank stare when My Dad served him…go figure…

I know, I know…I love to talk about barking out my window in the Scion xB.  Here is some documentation that shows how much fun I have with this activity.  And, a picture of a rainbow from My Dad’s soccer tournament in Lockport on Saturday…just trying to please everyone…   -Cody

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